Losing Faith
by Zombie Raptor
Summary: Drizzt feels some friction with Catti-Brie and the rest of his group when he meets back up with them after they had been reincarnated. He has to reevaluate how he feels about his old companions after he hears they opinion.
1. Chapter 1

I was reading Night of the Hunter, and was surprised by Drizzt lack of conviction when Catti-Brie agreed that goblins were irredeemable and that Mielikki agreed with her.

Honestly, this was just supposed to be Drizzt x someone else, but for that ending I would of had to write a lot more since I believe Drizzt wouldn't leave it like that, so it ended up as Drizzt x Catti-Brie x oc in the end.

Also written before I read Rise of the King. In a later book this was briefly addressed, but kinda meh to me.

* * *

Drizzt stared at Catti-Brie. He was surprised in the change. He had no doubt that Bruenor would always hate the orcs and goblins.

"Is this truly what you believe Mieklikki to believe?"

Catti-Brie nodded in full confidence.

Drizzt stayed quiet as he processed their conversation. He understood their doubts about the alliance, and he didn't necessarily disagree with those. However, the total disregard for an entire race was what bothered him. He saw the look that Catti-Brie was giving him, her eyes full of understanding, but she couldn't truly understand him. He had explained this to many people, but he didn't follow Mielikki's tenants, but rather had the same set of tenants as the goddess. He wasn't religious, and while he considered himself a follower of Mielikki, it was only because he believed his heart to be the same as hers.

"I will travel with all of you to free Pwent. I will travel to Mithral Hall myself." Drizzt looked at Bruenor "You've been too good of a friend for me not to help you. If anything happens, my blades will have your back, worry not."

Wulfgar stayed silent, understanding where this was going, and though he had come back for his friends, he also understood Drizzt's point of view. Looking around, he seemed to have a better understanding of Drizzt's heart than anyone else here. More than anything, he was surprised at Catti-Brie's outright condemnation for goblinkind, though he held no pity for them himself. Drizzt's own friends, his own lover, were asking him to abandon what was in his heart, and Wulfgar knew, that elf in front of them would never be Drizzt again if he did.

"It sounds as though you plan on parting ways with us." Regis commented.

Drizzt looked at Regis and nodded. "You've all been good friends that I love, and if you need me, or ever need me, all you must do is call upon me. However, I must continue on."

In the end it had all come back to the Companions of the Hall. Drizzt truly believed that he could recreate those days, but he was wrong. No, everyone was different, and he didn't blame them for that. But it to him it seemed as though they expected him to have changed along with them.

For everything that happened Wulfgar nodded. "I will do the same. Once we finish, I will return to the Icewind Dale if any of you ever need me."

"And hopefully I to Delthuntle, though I fear I may require some aid."

Everyone knew what Bruenor meant when he made a sort of huffing sound. His place was among the dwarves, as it had always been.

"I suppose I will travel with you then." Catti-Brie said, looking at Drizzt.

Drizzt gave her a pained look while Wulfgar only managed to rub his face with his hand, slightly uncomfortable.

"I have long tried to replace the hole you left in my heart." Drizzt said.

"And you found someone?" Catti-Brie asked fearfully. She had been fearing this moment since her rebirth.

"No, no one can ever replace what we had."

"And no one need to. I am here again." Catti-Brie replied, cupping his cheek.

Drizzt pushed her hand away. "We are not of the same heart and mind as we once were. It would be unfair to both of us to try to chase after this. I tried once with another, and it did not end well."

"Is this all about the orcs? Even your goddess Mielikki condemns them as evil."

Both Regis and Wulfgar sighed. Catti-Brie, in all of her love for the drow had seemingly forgotten part of what made Drizzt who he was. What made him abandon his city of birth. He held fast to his principles, his tenants. Ones that came from his heart, and of no other being.

"If what you said is true, then Mielikki is not my goddess and perhaps she never has been."

"Then who is? Lolth?" she asked sarcastically.

To Drizzt, this felt far too much like another conversation he had had with another lover. "I do not need a god or goddess to define me. Just as I have no use for a race to define me. Will the orcs of Many-Arrows need to be cut back? Perhaps, but I will not condemn an entire race simply because people may think they are evil. We have traveled with an orc. I have met many orcs that I would prefer to many humans, or any other race for that matter. Humans and elves laying waste to goblinkind villages, though they hadn't been born in a time where they were enemies. You wish to make exceptions for one race but not another. Condemn one to death simply because it is easier to perceive them as entirely evil. I struggle with my convictions, to understand if what I did was right or wrong. Perhaps it would be wrong to let this goblin live, to let it walk away. But I would rather face that struggle than the cold indifference that you claim."

Drizzt closed his eyes and drew a deep breath. "I will meet you all in Gauntlgrym." With that he walked away.

Catti-Brie stood there, the pain evident in her eyes.

Bruenor stood opposite of her, slightly torn. He still wanted to take down Many-Arrows, but Drizzt had reminded him of Jessa. She had been a good companion along with Nanfoodle. Not as good in his mind as Catti-Brie, Wulfgar, or Regis, but she had been a friend. While his convictions were solid, as were Drizzt's, he understood where Drizzt was coming from. How many Jessa's would he be killing. However in the end, the orcs were encroaching onto his Delzoun kin, and that was where his loyalty lied. Just as Drizzt's loyalty lied with his his friends, Bruenor's was split between his kin and the friends he had spent years traveling with.

"You should know Drizzt better." Wulfgar said to Catti-Brie. "He's told these stories quite clearly, and perhaps goblinkind is considered evil by the gods and goddesses, but Drizzt is beholden to no higher being. And if I understand Mielikki correctly, she would not want him to worship her if his heart was not with her. Mistaken or not, he holds in his heart that goblinkind is not inherently evil and he did right in walking away."

Wulfgar felt a hard slap. He wasn't trying to hurt Catti-Brie, but explain Drizzt's actions to help her. "With our path, it would have torn the two of you apart. He was just as hurt when he walked away. He learned that you had changed and he had not."

Catti-Brie stormed away, and everyone sighed. While each had his own reason for not wanting to come here, new purposes and people in their lives, this was not what they were expecting. Though they could hardly blame Drizzt. Even Bruenor had been caught off guard with Catti-Brie's vehement agreement with him.


	2. Chapter 2

Drizzt sighed as he leaned against a tree. Perhaps he should have tried to work things out with Catti-Brie. She, after all, had been the love of his life, and continued to love him. On the other hand, their path had taken them to fight the very things that their disagreement was about. Though perhaps disagreement wasn't strong enough a word. They didn't see eye to eye on one of his most basic and foundational principles. No life on Toril could be considered inherently evil.

Drizzt shook his head. He was still prejudiced against goblinkind, less likely to trust them than many other races, but then he had to think of Luskan. He would trust the orcs of Many-Arrows more than nearly anyone in the wretched city. Then again he didn't know of any living orcs in the kingdom of Many-Arrows.

Regardless, the point was moot. He had met a elf. A wild elf at that. She had left her tribe to become an adventurer of sorts. She wanted to see the world, though the world was darker than she had hoped it would be. Ellastryn now was what Cattie-Brie was before she died. She even reminded him a little bit of Guen. She had not been in complete agreement with her people. She didn't want to judge someone based on their race alone, though she was wary of certain races more than others. She certainly was caught off guard by him. She hadn't outright attacked him, however, she was even more caught off guard when she was knocked down by Guenhwyvar. Guenhwyvar had quickly relayed that Ella, as he had come to call her, had a heart that mirrored his own. She was a ranger, and though she wasn't in direct service to Mielikki, she found that the goddess was as close to her beliefs of any she had found.

Ella had been slow to trust him, but with Guenhwyvar by his side, and the fact that he had confronted her to stop her from walking into an ambush, she followed him when he beckoned her to. Guenhwyvar, in his opinion, played no small part in convincing the wild elf to trust him. She was a ranger, and like most, she could sense and feel what Guenhwyvar was. Soon, she found that Drizzt held an affinity to nature, just as she did. She wasn't sure of everything that had happened, as she generally avoided bigger cities and towns where such information would be easier to obtain. Her tribe had been relatively reclusive, and didn't know much of the goings-on of the surrounding world.

Drizzt currently found himself separated from her at the moment. Even having lived one-hundred and fifty years, she wasn't particularly fond of meeting new people. Currently she was in a cave with a hibernating bear. Drizzt had to admit that he was surprised when he realized that her skills as a ranger rivaled his own, perhaps even surpassed his own. When they had arrived at the cave and found a bear inside, he had told her the story of Bluster. Needless to say, she had been shocked. She had been trained her entire life in the ways of, what others called, a ranger. For someone with no training to take up residence with a brown bear was ridiculous. Even for someone such as her, she wouldn't generally do such a thing.

Now that everything had settled, Drizzt felt it was time to meet back up with his companions. He had told them when he departed, he would meet them near Mithral Hall. He had sent Guenhwyvar out to deliver a message. Likely she would return with some of his companions in tow. If not, he could always go search for them. Catti-Brie and him hadn't parted on the best of terms, but they were certainly more friendly than him and Dahlia.

After several minutes, Drizzt saw a black form come into view followed by two halfling's, a dwarf, and two humans. With a smile, he noted the extra form as Donnola Topolino.

"I have to admit I was surprised that you didn't visit any of us sooner. Traveling alone for so long doesn't seem like it would suit you." Regis commented.

"Ah, never alone, at least not for long." Drizzt replied with a smile. He didn't mind admitting that he wasn't fond of traveling alone.

"And by any chance do we get to meet this companion of possible questionable morals?" Wulfgar asked, poking fun at Drizzt's previous companions.

"Ah, worry not. This companion is a ranger like I, though more comfortable with the creatures of nature than people." Drizzt replied lightheartedly. "She isn't particularly fond of meeting new people."

Catti-Brie's eyes narrowed at the gender identifying pronoun. She was still irate at both herself and Drizzt. She knew she had pushed him away, and she knew she should have known better as Wulfgar had said. Pushing those feelings down, she smiled.

Drizzt motioned them to follow him. A few minutes of twists and turns and they had arrived at the cave. Drizzt gave a bird call from one of the birds that still sang in the winter to minimize the possibility of disturbing the bear within. With as much grace as any of them had seen, an elf skipped out of the cave silently.

Drizzt, having moved closer to the cave stopped his companions, was used as a shield from the prying eyes. "This is Ellastryn. Ellastryn, this is Bruenor, Wulfgar, Catti-Brie, Regis, and Donnola."

Ellastryn nodded towards them before slowing coming out from behind Drizzt. Her eyes eventually settled on Catti-Brie. She could see through the fake smile that Catti-Brie wore. Drizzt had told her of his previous relationship with Catti-Brie, but looking at the woman, it wasn't hard to tell that something had happened between the two. Even worse, for Catti-Brie, Ellastryn could see the pity in Drizzt eyes. She could tell he was trying to hide it, knowing that it wouldn't help in the least and likely make the woman angrier. Perhaps the others could see it as well, but she considered herself exceptionally perceptive. It was part of the reason she was so good around animals. The slight movements and expressions the animals made spoke volumes of what it was feeling. The same applied to people. She knew Drizzt picked up on the tiniest of movements because of his skill in fighting. They had learned them for different reasons, but the skill set was relatively similar.

Catti-Brie, noticing the gaze, locked eyes with Ellastryn. "How are you in a fight? Catti-Brie asked. All of them, except for possibly Regis had a bit of wanderlust. Even with Regis, it was more because he enjoyed being with Donnola than he did traveling. Donnola had her duties and couldn't travel as freely as she may have wanted to.

Ellastryn shrugged. She found herself to be more than capable, but boasting wasn't something she enjoyed doing.

"She is quite capable." Drizzt assured. "How about a spar, no magic." he suggested.

Both Catti-Brie and Ellastryn nodded. Catti-Brie summoned a practice sword, and offered to do the same for Ellastryn who denied the offer.

Facing off against each other, Drizzt started the match. Ellastryn paused, noting Catti-Brie's posture. She was obviously a practiced swordsman, even if she didn't use it anymore. Ellastryn charged, much to Bruenor's amusement. He even gave Wulfgar a nudge saying that he liked the girl. Of course it was quiet enough so Catti-Brie couldn't hear.

Catti-Brie slashed diagonally, which Ellastryn ducked under, as Catti-Brie thought she might. Catti-Brie kicked out, which to her amazement, Ellastryn dodged slightly to the side then sprung over Catti-Brie's leg landing on her exposed side. Kicking out against the back of Catti-Brie's planted leg causing it to start to collapse, but Catti-Brie managed to get her other leg down, and pivoted on that foot. Bringing her sword out in front of her, Catti-Brie was caught by surprise again when Ellastryn slipped inside her guard, grabbed her sword arm, and flipped her. Ellastryn kept one had on Catti-Brie's wrist to keep the sword from hitting her.

Bruenor whispered to Wulfgar, retracting his previous comment.

Ellastryn reached a hand out to help Catti-Brie up. Accepting the help, Catti-Brie rubbed her wrist once she was standing. The elf had a surprisingly strong grip.

Drizzt noticed the hurt look on Catti-Brie's face. "I didn't ask for the fight to embarrass you. I asked because I thought you the best opponent for her."

"And now?" Catti-Brie snapped.

"The reasoning does not change. I find it no easy task defeating her either."

Ellastryn stepped between them. Do both of your thoughts still stand as they did before?" she asked.

Both Drizzt and Catti-Brie nodded.

"Goblinkind is inherently evil." Catti-Brie reaffirmed.

"Many would say the same of the drow." Ellastryn countered back. She knew the argument they had previously.

"I was told this by Mielikki, and that drow were different from this, not inherently evil, but in worship to a goddess."

"You have never lived in a drow city."

"I have been to Menzoberranzan."

"But you didn't live there. You merely visited, and tell me how that visit was."

Catti-Brie glared. "It was unpleasant, however there was another drow that helped me."

"Jaraxle." Ellastryn stated.

Catti-Brie nodded.

"And is he supposed to be your baseline of non-evil drow, excluding Drizzt here."

Catti-Brie nodded again.

"You know he has committed what most races would deem atrocities, correct?"

Catti-Brie nodded again, only this time less sure of herself.

"So, you time in Menzoberranzan was met with nothing but essentially evil drow except the one you rescued. Jaraxle no doubt had his own plans in motion, from what I understand."

Catti-Brie nodded again, realizing she was losing this argument.

"So what do you truly know of the drow? Truly what is the difference between them and orcs? They are more refined. They are deadlier. Is that what constitutes a race to not be inherently evil?"

"Mielikki says so, and—"

"And what. Because the god he follows because his principles aligned with hers, he should bend the ones that don't to fit her? I can only count one wholly good drow I have met, but I can count two goblinkind that I know of."

"Nojheim." Catti-Brie stated.

"And Jessa. A Gruumsh priestess that traveled with Bruenor and Drizzt. Better she was killed as a newborn though, right? I see nothing that indicates that goblinkind is inherently evil and drow are not. Unless you think Drizzt should have been killed at birth as well."

Catti-Brie attempted to slap Ellastryn, but missed as the elf leaned back.

"Drizzt fights for a race's life, and you fight for their death. I know who I would rather be fighting alongside. I'm not saying dealing with the Many-Arrows kingdom was a mistake, however you wish to view the world in black and white while it's beauty lies in it's color."

Catti-Brie stormed away, knowing she had lost the argument.

"Perhaps it is best I visit at another time. I know where to find everyone." Drizzt said.

Everyone else nodded.

Drizzt truly was sad about his relationship with Catti-Brie. However, when he looked at Ellastryn, his worries melted away.


End file.
